Unfairness, dishonesty, and compulsive behavior trigger anger and frustration. Even though responding can feel justifying and releasing at the moment, I noticed it doesn’t necessarily make me happy in the long term. But what to do instead when dealing with these intense emotions? Time to dive into some mindfulness.ย
A personal example of a triggering story
After months of searching for a place in Portugal, I finally found a great place to live in Lisbon. I signed the contract, and I was super happy about it. Then, two days later, the contract got canceled randomly because the landlord preferred Portuguese people over foreigners. The brought-up reason was that he didn’t want to have any problems.ย
As I already signed the contract and shared my new place with friends and family, I felt intense emotions coming up for the discrimination and the contract cancellation after celebrating the new living situation. I wanted to fight for my rights, but also, what do I gain from it in my current expat position renting as a subrenter? This would look like a younger version of me using my intellectual experience to find anything possible to get my right.ย
This time, I choose differently, because I noticed that the whole process probably wouldn’t make me happy, and also, to succeed I would need (to pay for) extra support. I decided to share my emotions instead, receive support from my surroundings (thanks a lot for that), and let the intense feelings of unfairness show up and pass by. Unfortunately, it still costs me some time to get rid of these frustrations and anger feelings. A waste?ย ย
What to do instead when these intense emotions come up?
Firstly, I let all the negative and intense emotions come up. In this way, I recognize my feelings and their function. Otherwise, it will feel like suppressing my emotions which most likely will come back unintegrated, unexpected, and explosive later on. Secondly, I let them pass by as much as possible. A way to do this is by writing every thought and meditation or Mindfulness.ย
Mindfulness is when thoughts and feelings come by and leave as a natural experience. For example, you can compare it to clouds and rain coming over and passing by. Waiting for the sun to appear again. Practicing Mindfulness can help by not seeing these feelings for what it is without responding and retaking action when the clouds pass by. It is sunny again, which in return creates optimistic experiences.ย
Another way of dealing with it is asking for emotional support by recognizing and acknowledging the feelings while letting it go and moving toward the next solution. Reaching out to fellow travelers, friends, family or anybody else.ย
Transforming anger to taking action toward the desired result of finding a new place with more passion, and positivity.
Can a daily self-care practice for emotions help?
Meditation techniques are gaining popularity and for a good reason. During the day we feel all kinds of disappointments, happy moments, frustrations etc. These techniques can help to feel the flow again and let it all pass by as it comes and goes to come back to a connected and natural state.ย It can also help to let an emotional storm pass by and focus on the good again. As sometimes we might not even realize how we feel about certain situations. Checking in with yourself with meditation can be a very good tool to reconnect.ย
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Thank you for reading.
Warmly,
Anique
